YOU STOLE MY UNDERWEAR!!

This is outrageous.

Imagine my surprise when I visit this store, only to find—on full display—a pair of undergarments that are an exact replica of mine. Same cut. Same stitching. Even the subtle crest embroidery. Do you think I wouldn’t notice? Do you think Lucina wouldn’t notice?

This is a blatant violation of personal boundaries and royal dignity. My undergarments are not fashion statements. They are private, practical, and uniquely mine. And now you’ve paraded them across the marketplace like some kind of novelty? What’s next—Falchion-branded boxer briefs?

To whoever thought this was clever: I will not stand for it. I don’t care how “limited edition” or “inspired by Ylissean royalty” you claim they are. Take them down. Or I swear on Naga’s name, I will rain divine judgment upon your inventory.

One star. Zero honor.

Oh Ho!  Look at these mugs!

Hah! Now this is a mug fit for a true warrior! Solid, sturdy, and capable of holding a generous serving of whatever keeps you going—be it a strong brew before battle or something warm after a long march. The craftsmanship is impressive—no flimsy handles or cracks here. It’s built to last, just like a good axe.

Only downside? It won’t make you stronger just by holding it. But hey, if you’re looking for a reliable drinking vessel that won’t fail you in the heat of the moment, this is the one. Five stars—would drink from again!”

Love the stickers, need more shoes.

Oh, this is a great sticker. Sticks well, looks nice, doesn’t peel off easily—exactly what you’d want in a sticker. But, uh… it’s not a shoe.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate good craftsmanship, and this little thing has it. It’s durable, vibrant, and honestly, I could probably slap it on my remaining shoe to make it stand out more. But if I had to choose between this and finding my other shoe… well, you get the idea.

Still, if you’re in the market for a sticker and not desperately searching for lost footwear, this one’s a solid choice.

A Shirt Worthy (Almost) of a Hero

At long last, a garment that can almost contain the seething fury of my Sword Hand!

When I first donned this sacred relic—er, t-shirt—I felt the ancient energies coursing through its cotton fibers. The design emblazoned upon the chest? Clearly a glyph of forgotten power. My enemies quaked. Villagers stared. A dog barked and then fled.

And yet… I withhold a fifth star. Why? Because the sleeves, alas, are too short to properly display the full legend of my right arm’s tale! How can the world witness my destiny when the hem halts at the bicep?

Still, it breathes well during battle (and laundry day), and the fit is snug… but respectful. I dub it: Garment of Glory +4.

Would I recommend it? Nay—I would carve it into legend.